


A Mutual Weirdness

by ayybtch



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Idiots in Love, pure shenanigans, romance and chaos
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 21:29:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28677456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayybtch/pseuds/ayybtch
Summary: “We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in a mutual weirdness called love.” ~ Dr. SeussI am a very weird person. I somehow managed to find an equally weird person whose weirdness matches my weirdness and we ended up in love. All of these are completely stand alone stories based around some strange things my partner and I have said to each other. You don’t need to read them in any particular order, nor do you need to read them all to understand what’s happening.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader
Kudos: 3





	1. Grilled Cheese

**Author's Note:**

> This is posted over on my Tumblr account as well, where I'm under the same username :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Bucky gets quite the text while lifting with Sam, leading to a chase down a hallway and a nice reminder that you can’t ever assume anything.  
> Word Count: 944  
> Warnings: Sam’s thighs, Bucky’s thighs, a single swear word, mentions of lingerie/toys, food porn

Bucky exhaled forcefully as he squatted, mentally cursing Sam for how sore his body was going to be after they were done. Sam and his stupid jaw dropping thighs had proposed to the ultimate leg day competition on the way home from their last mission. A playful argument had broken out about who had the better leg day endurance. Sam knew they couldn’t compare max weights given Bucky was a certified genetically modified supersoldier. His work around was that they’d see who could lift the most reps at 80% their max weight for every exercise they did that day.

It was manageable at first. Bucky could’ve slept through their calf raise sets and hardly broke a sweat during their hamstring curls and quadricep extensions. It wasn’t until they started lifting free weights that he realized how much trouble he had gotten himself into. He did okay during their sets of hip thrusts, but failed miserably during the deadlifts. Currently, Sam was busy kicking his ass at the squat rack.

Bucky was watching Sam’s form when he felt his phone vibrate. A smile broke out on his face when he saw the message was from you. He opened it and immediately his face felt hot as he read it.

_Do you wanna see something that will turn you on?_

There was no context to the message; no clue as to what might happen if he said yes. He glanced back at Sam, who was somehow still squatting like there’s no tomorrow. He thought for a minute before typing out a shaky yes, hitting send right as Sam stepped forward to set the bar down. Bucky rushed to put his phone away, trying his hardest to hide how red he was.

“Your turn, Tinman. Let’s see what you’ve got. Unless you’re too busy texting of course,” Sam teased. He was out of breath, but not out of breath enough for Bucky to escape the banter.

Bucky rolled his eyes as he added on more plates. His mind was racing a million miles a minute trying to imagine what you were about to send him. Was it lingerie? You knew what drove him wild and he wouldn’t put it past you to put it on just to mess with him during his workout with Sam. As he started his next set of squats, his mind wandered in a different direction. Did you get a new toy? You had talked about needing to get a new vibrator after the motor on your old one crapped out. Bucky’s pants twitched at the thought of you playing with yourself just to tease him.

He was so focused on what he would see next time he checked his phone that he lost track of his reps. He felt his phone buzz and what little concentration he had left was lost. Bucky quickly stepped forward to let go of the bar. He avoided meeting Sam’s eye as he saw a smirk go across the other man’s face.

“That’s it, I’m tapping out,” Bucky said in a rush. “You win, you beat me in all of the free weight stuff.”

Sam nodded, not saying anything. His expression was unreadable as they racked the weights and wiped down the bar. They walked over to the mats by the door, each plopping down to stretch. Groaning and exacerbated hisses filled the air as they tried to relax the muscles they had pissed off on a cellular level in their dick measuring contest. Sam broke the silence a few minutes later.

“So, what did she say that got you all hot and bothered?”

Bucky blushed furiously. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Sam just nodded, not even bothering to hide his smirk. The two men stretched for a few minutes longer, each blaming and cursing the other for how sore they were. They both carefully climbed up off the floor and started wobbling towards the door. Before Bucky could react, Sam was reaching into Bucky’s pocket and rushing out the door. I

t took him a moment to realize what had happened, but was soon chasing after him. Bucky’s legs burned as he did his best to catch up to Sam before he opened the text. He knew he was too late however, when Sam stopped abruptly in the middle of the hallway. Sam stood there, staring down at the screen with total confusion written on his face. He shoved the phone back into Bucky’s hand quickly.

“You guys are fucking weird, man.”

Bucky glared at him as they made their way towards the elevator. Sam pressed the button for his floor before pressing the one for Bucky’s. They stood in total silence until Sam stepped out, mumbling something about a hot shower and food while avoiding Bucky’s gaze.

Bucky’s heart raced as the doors closed and he rode the elevator up to his floor. The images he once had of you in various lingerie in all the positions he loved had been floating through his mind were now gone. Sam’s reaction made it clear that it was clearly something wild, and now Bucky didn’t know what to expect. He tapped his foot impatiently, torn between looking at his phone and wanting to wait in case whatever you sent really was as bad as Sam made it out to be. Bucky was out of the elevator the second the doors opened and was in his room moments later.

With shaky hands, he grabbed his phone and opened the message.

_I present to you, the most perfectly toasted grilled cheese ever made._

Attached was a video of the most incredible looking grilled cheese Bucky had ever seen.


	2. That Succulent Ass

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: You’re at a girls’ night when Bucky decides to send you an ass picture destined for the Booty Pic Hall of Fame. You, however, are too focused on something else he said to fully appreciate it.  
> Word Count: 1,128  
> Warnings: Natasha threatening to murder you, alcohol consumption, mention of booty pics, and one person accidentally seeing a booty pic not intended for them

Not long after you started dating Bucky, Natasha had taken you out to coffee to give you ‘the talk’. She said everything you expected her to; she spent a good amount of time discussing all of the ways she could hurt you if you hurt Bucky, and took even longer to describe all of the good places she knew to hide a dead body. Listening to her threats would’ve been a serial killer’s wet dream.

Despite how terrifying it initially was, you somehow came out of that conversation with the former Russian assassin laughing and with the promise of meeting up for more coffee again soon. Coffee dates soon became a regular thing, with Natasha bringing along Wanda and Carol when they were available. Coffee soon turned into catching a movie, which turned into brunches and dinners. Brunches and dinners quickly turned into just hanging out whenever and wherever, which lead you to being sandwiched between the three Avengers on Natasha’s king-sized bed while watching romantic comedies and drinking margaritas.

Natasha had insisted on having a proper girls’ night in after her latest love affair met a disastrous end, claiming a night of face masks, movies, and drunken shenanigans would cure her. Carol and Wanda were arguing over what movie to put on next while Nat laid there taking jaw-dropping selfies to post just to spite her former lover. You were busy scrolling through your feed when you came across one of the most ridiculous pictures you’ve ever seen.

Some genius had printed a label for a succulent that read ‘SUCCULENT ASS’ and someone else had added on the words “Hey baby, let me see that” to make the whole picture read “Hey baby, let me see that succulent ass”. Giggling, you saved the picture and typed out a quick text to Bucky. Your eyes lingered on the screen for a bit after you hit send as you imagined his response. Bucky was sure to have a good laugh over it and the thought brought a small smile to your face. You were drawn back to reality as a pillow hit your head. Startled, you looked around only to find Natasha frowning at you.

“The movie is starting! Pay attention or I’m going to take your phone away from you. It’s girls’ night, focus on your girls!” Nat said, reaching over and grabbing the pillow back from you.

You rolled your eyes and turned your attention back to the screen. Somehow, despite Carol’s adamant protests, Wanda had successfully managed to put on 27 Dresses. As you settled in, you forgot entirely what you had sent Bucky and were sucked into the movie.

**********

Bucky stepped out of the shower, steam rolling off of him as his skin met the cool air. He wiped away the fog on the mirror and scratched at his facial hair, wondering if he should shave it. Before he could decide, his phone lit up on the counter. The illuminated screen showed he had several unread messages, including one you had sent almost twenty minutes ago. A quick press of his thumb unlocked the phone and he opened up your message. The picture you sent made him chuckle and shake his head. Only you would send him something as ridiculous as this. As he started to type out a response, an idea struck him.

He walked over to the full-size mirror on the opposite end of the bathroom and wiped it down before turning around and opening up his phone camera. He snapped a few pictures, changing his phone angle from time to time. He popped his hips to one side for some of them, while he stood straight for others. Most involved him winking, but some showed off his usual shit-eating grin. Satisfied with his options, he went through each one and mentally debated which one best showed off what he wanted to be seen. Eventually he decided on a picture and sent it off with a smirk.

**********

Your focus on Jane and Kevin’s on-screen shenanigans were interrupted abruptly as your phone vibrated against your leg. Before you could react, Natasha snatched up your phone and gave you a disapproving look.

“How many times do I have to say it? This is girls’ night. You’re here, with your girls and you should be focused on us, not worrying about what Bucky…” her voice trailed off as she looked down at the message. Her jaw dropped and eyes wide as she continued to stare down at the screen. “Did he just send you a booty pic?” She asked, her voice perfectly matching the shock written on her face.

Your eyes went wide while Wanda and Carol started laughing. Natasha, thankfully, handed you back your phone without another word. The slight blush on her face suggested she hadn’t been joking about what he had sent. She turned her focus back onto the movie, shushing the giggles coming from Wanda. Carol shot you a quick wink and soon all three women's attention was back on the screen. You did your best to focus on the movie, but the thought of Bucky’s text stayed in the forefront of your mind.

A booty pic. _Bucky had sent you a booty pic_. It certainly wasn’t the first picture of the sort Bucky had sent you and you highly doubted it would be the last. It was, however, the first time he ever sent one without confirming you were home alone. As flustered as you were about it, you couldn’t really be upset at him. You had all but asked for it when you sent him that meme.

As soon as the credits rolled, you excused yourself and made your way into the bathroom. You opened up the message and practically started drooling. It was the most adorable and attractive nude in the history of nudes. The mirror was slightly foggy, but no amount of steam could hide how perfect he was. Bucky looked godly. Every part of him was perfectly sculpted and evenly tanned. His thighs and his calf muscles alone were enough to make you breathless, but the most phenomenal part of the picture was undoubtedly his ass.

Perfectly centered in the picture, Bucky’s ass was flawless. It looked perfectly smooth and was plump in all the right places. You could bounce a quarter off of his ass. The only thought going through your mind was how badly you wanted to grab it. This perfect, shining example of what a booty pic should be, was quickly overshadowed when you noticed the message he sent along with the picture.

 _Ask and you shall receive_ 😘🌵🍑

With a huff, you typed out a response and walked back out to rejoin girls’ night.

 _Bitch that is a cactus, NOT a succulent_ 🙄


	3. Alcoholic Juice Box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Summary: Adulthood sucks. You know what doesn’t suck? Blanket forts and alcoholic juice boxes.  
> Word count: 1,773  
> Warnings: Liberal use of the word ‘fuck’ and variations of the word ‘fuck’, mention of financial troubles, mention of crappy friends and family who are too focused on their own nonsense to care about the well being of anyone else, alcohol mentions and some alcohol consumption at the very end.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This maybe got a tad personal and self indulgent (oops). Before anyone asks, yes this was my actual stress response. I’m not proud of it but it worked! 😂

Bucky sighed in relief as he finally sat down in the back of the Quinjet. He, Sam, and Steve had been on a mission nonstop for the past twelve days tracking down Hydra agents. His whole body ached and he was desperate for some normal human interaction. Specifically, he was desperate for normal human interaction with you. All nonessential phone calls or text conversations had been prohibited, so it truly had been  _ twelve days of uninterrupted Steve and Sam _ . Normally they made for great company and he enjoyed being around them. But now? Now Bucky was almost ready to never see their faces again. He thought on multiple occasions during the mission that all SHIELD trainees should have to endure Sam’s singing for hours on end as a part of their hostage training. If they can survive that with Steve’s occasional attempts at harmonizing, they can survive anything. 

Once the Quinjet was in the air, he took out his phone and sent you a quick text saying they were on their way back. Not even a minute later, Bucky’s screen lit up with an incoming Facetime call from you. His heart surged at the thought of seeing you hours before he initially expected to and answered without a moment's hesitation. The smile written on his face fell as soon as he saw you.

You looked terrible. The exhaustion he felt after twelve days of work suddenly seemed like nothing compared to the exhaustion written on your face. You tried to smile at him, but the smile didn’t fully reach your eyes. Bucky’s gut twisted.

“Doll, what’s going on? Are you okay?” he asked, his voice dripping with worry.

You tried to nod yes but burst out in tears instead. The tears kept coming and after a few minutes, Bucky really started to worry.

“When you feel ready, take a couple deep breaths for me. Tell me what’s going on so I know how to help.”

It took a few minutes, but your tears started to slow and your breathing began to even out. Bucky smiled at you reassuringly as you took a few deep breaths before starting to talk.

“Bucky, I’m so sorry. You’ve been on a mission and here I am crying before you even had the chance to say hello,” you said, wiping away a stray tear rolling down your cheek.

“These past few days have just been really hard. Well, the past couple of months really, but everything’s starting to hit me all at once. School sucks, I can’t believe they’re allowed to charge me what they are. College is stressful enough as it is, why does paying for it have to be challenging too? I work thirty hours a week during the semester and over forty during breaks, yet I still can’t afford to go to school without taking out student loans. It’s bullshit. On top of all of that, I still have my regular bills to pay too!

“And as if financial stress isn’t enough, my family and friends have all decided that this week was the week to start up as much drama as possible…” you trailed off and a new round of tears began. 

Bucky’s heart broke as he watched your body shake with each new sob. He desperately wished it was his hands wiping away your tears instead of your own. 

The tears ended a little quicker this time, but the sadness didn’t quite leave your face as you started to speak, “My family is fighting over something stupid and using me as the go-between because I wasn’t there when the argument started. But at the same time, they’re bitching at me for ‘never being there’ when it’s their own fault for not inviting me!

“My friends are also upset that I don’t have the time to see them as often anymore and are bitching about that. One of them is freaking out in particular because she thinks she’s about to be dumped, while another is complaining about how much she doesn’t like being married because now her mother-in-law expects grandbabies. I’m fucking tired of everything and everyone.”

Bucky waited to see if you were going to continue before he spoke. “Doll, I am so sorry. That’s a lot to handle all at once. What can I do to help?”

You shook your head. “I don’t think there’s much you can do, Bucky. I just let things build up too much and they all exploded at once.” You paused for a moment and let out a bitter chuckle, “This whole adulting thing is a load of garbage. What a fucking scam. I can’t believe I ever wanted to grow up.”

Bucky couldn’t hold back his laughter. Before he could say anything though, you spoke up again

“You know what? Fuck it. I’m done being an adult. I’m going to go do something childish and ignore all my adult responsibilities.”

Bucky snorted. “Oh yeah? What childish thing are you going to do?”

You pondered for a moment, eyebrows furrowed together as you considered your options. Bucky could see the lightbulb go off in your head before a smug smile crept up onto your face. “I’m going to build a blanket fort. Nobody expects adult things from someone who’s hanging out in a blanket fort” 

If you hadn’t looked and sounded so serious, Bucky would’ve laughed again. Instead, he just nodded and smiled. 

You weren’t amused by his lack of enthusiasm. “Oh c’mon, are you really telling me that a blanket fort isn’t the obvious solution to my problems?”

Bucky went to reply, but you cut him off with a gasp as a look of pure joy swept across your face. The joy soon transitioned into a look that screamed pure chaos. Bucky suddenly felt nervous.

“I’m going to go to the store and get juice boxes before I start. The blanket fort was a brilliant first step in my ‘Fuck The Scam That Is Adulthood’ plan, but the juice boxes -” you mimed a chef kiss “- are the icing on the cake.”

“Juice boxes, huh? That one’s a little surprising,” he teased. “Do you want me to make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to go along with that? Or maybe you’d like some fruit snacks?” 

You smiled devilishly back at him, “Well, it needs to be an alcoholic juice box though. That’s the one part of adulting I do like, so it gets to be the exception.” 

This time Bucky didn’t even bother trying to hold back his laughter. “I’m not sure anything describes you better than an alcoholic juice box.”

“Agreed. Now if you excuse me, I’m going to go buy myself some juice boxes, make the blanket fort of my dreams, and then hide in it whilst pretending the world doesn’t exist. Come over as soon as you’re home and ready. Bring some food with you!” 

The call ended abruptly and Bucky stared at the screen in disbelief for a moment before he chuckled. He leaned back in his seat and closed his eyes, wondering how he ended up with someone as beautiful and crazy as you. He was still worried of course. Everything you had mentioned that was contributing to your stress was a lot. He fell asleep trying to plan out how to help you and what he could do to help keep things from being bottled up for this long again. 

**********

Three hours and a hot shower later, Bucky found himself walking up the steps to your apartment with food from your favorite Chinese restaurant in hand. He unlocked the door and made his way in, kicking off his shoes by the door. 

“Doll, it’s me. Where are you?”

He heard you giggle slightly before calling out to him, “I’m in my room.”

He made his way back towards your room and his feet froze before he was fully in the door. He blinked a few times to make sure he wasn’t imagining things. You had built the most  _ massive _ blanket fort he had ever seen. Fort was no longer the appropriate word to use; it was a blanket  _ castle _ . He knew you were chaotic, but this...this was an entirely new level of chaotic, even for you.

Chairs from the living room and kitchen had been brought in as support beams, packing tape was being used to hold up one side of a sheet against the wall, and couch cushions were arranged to create a small tunnel as an entrance to the fort. The empty bed frame suggested you had even moved your mattress onto the floor for the sake of this damn fort. Once the initial shock wore off, he crouched down and carefully crawled inside.

Every pillow and cushion in your apartment was inside the fort with you, along with the few blankets that somehow hadn’t been used in the fort itself. You were curled up under your comforter with a bottle of wine in hand. 

“I have to say when you said you were building a blanket fort I certainly did not expect something this big.” He leaned forward and gave you a quick kiss to the forehead as you giggled at his surprise. 

““That’s what you get for underestimating my fort-making abilities,” You took a long sip of wine straight from the bottle before handing it to Bucky. 

“I commend you on your taste in juice boxes, though I’d hardly call this a box.” he teased. He held up the bottle and looked at it closer before adding, “You also seem to have drunk most of it already. Guess I should have brought my own.” He estimated there was barely enough wine left to fill half of a glass. You sat there and shrugged.

“I’ll have you know I did consider getting a boxed wine to be more authentic. I decided against it though because that one’s harder to casually drink from. But bottle, schmottle - it’s a minor detail at this point. As to your astute observation about that one being almost empty, there are two more in the fridge. You can go open one up if you’re wanting some,” You paused for a moment before continuing, “The far more important concern right now is if you remembered to get extra egg rolls. You know how much drunk me loves egg rolls.”

Bucky rolled his eyes before dutifully reaching into the bag of takeout that had been haphazardly pushed to the side and pulling out three orders of egg rolls. A happy squeal and a quick peck on the cheek was all he needed to think that maybe your approach to adulthood wasn’t half bad.

  
  



End file.
